My windshield wipers whip back and forth, clearing my view as I drive to the office in a downpour. I reverse into my garage parking space, thankful I don’t have to schlep my work bag, drink cup and half-eaten breakfast through the rain. I head straight to a conference room for my first meeting of the day that was pushed back so that I could get there in time.
It is 9:30 am and I have already been on the road for two hours and awake and active for longer. It is also summertime, adding more chaos to my packed schedule which now includes taking my children to camps in addition to an eight-hour, (more likely 12-hour), workday. I race through the slew of meetings and client calls in the hopes of making it home in the evening for dinner and bedtime. I do it all over again the next day — wash, rinse and repeat as they say.
For some people, my schedule may seem overwhelming and stressful, while others can relate to what is a regular day in the life of a working mom. For other parents, it is a glimpse into their future as their children grow older.
The pandemic upended working life as we knew it, ultimately giving rise to “flexible work,” “hybrid work” and “remote work” schedules, which primarily benefitted women, giving them space and time to accommodate professional and family responsibilities. But with a growing number of companies mandating a return to the office, what happens to women who have come to rely on this way of working?
As a newer Managing Director of a global architecture and design firm, I have seen and participated in how our firm addressed our in-office policy evolution – during and post-pandemic to today. We have returned to the five-day workweek, but still maintain a flexible policy recognizing there are days when employees need to work from home, leave the office early or come in later for tasks like going to the dentist or picking up the kids from soccer practice.
However, with the continued chatter of different policies and what is best for employees, I wanted to engage with women in our office and hear about how they balance their workload and caregiving. Does “flexibility” work for them — or not? What changes do they want to see in the workplace so they can attend to their families, but still advance in a career they have worked so hard to establish?
Our roundtable discussion consisted of women with diverse backgrounds and family demographics:
- A principal interior designer with elementary-age children
- A senior associate architect who has a toddler and an on-the-spectrum stepchild
- A senior associate interior designer with pre-school aged daughters and high-school aged sons
- An associate architect with pre-school aged children
- An architect with a newborn child
- An admin team member with her first baby due
- A senior associate, admin team member who is an aunt and supports her family in caring for two elementary age children.
Through the discussion three trends emerged:
The model of working has not changed since it was first introduced in the 1920s.
Today, women have more educational and professional opportunities than ever. We have the means to take our careers to their furthest potential. While these opportunities have increased, so has the overall cost of living. So, with a family, there is the challenge of finding affordable and available day care options. Then, partners must evaluate who is responsible for drop off/pick up, middle of the day emergencies, and who should stay home with a sick kid, among other tasks. As the number of children increase, naturally so do the expenses, leading parents to evaluate whether it makes sense for one parent, (primarily mothers), to leave the workforce altogether and become the primary caregiver.
To help, we need to normalize discussions about caregiving in general to ensure both women and men who take on these roles are respected and supported in the workplace. For example, we should not hold back opportunities from a female employee because of her caregiver duties, nor should we shame or have higher expectations of a male employee, whether he shoulders some or all caregiving duties.
Women face more shaming & pressure to “do it all.”
Let’s discuss the unattainable “Superwoman” complex. This plays directly into our societal expectations for women to be the primary caregivers and high-achieving professionals. While the term is meant to be encouraging, it only reinforces unrealistic expectations. We need to blow-up this notion that we can or should “do it all.” We feel guilty, don’t prioritize self-care and our mental health is affected, which leads to downstream neglect that is felt by us, our families, friends and coworkers.
I lived with the “Superwoman” expectation (and guilt) with my first child until a colleague was asked how she managed her career and being a mom. “I don’t,” she said matter-of-factly, and I was floored. She continued to explain that every day is a seesaw; one day she is a great employee and a not-so-great mom and wife, and the next, it’s the inverse. As caregivers, regardless of gender, we must give ourselves grace and remember to prioritize ourselves so we can be there for our families and companies.
We also need to extend that grace in the workplace. One way employers can help is to evaluate existing in-office policies and parental leave policies.
- Is there consistency in how policies are implemented for all employees, regardless of gender?
- Do in-office policies afford employees flexibility in getting work done, along with tasks like taking an elderly parent to the doctor, for example?
- Are employees encouraged to have autonomy and ownership of their work?
These policies are important to set the expectations and, ultimately, their success is reinforced by the cultural behavior of the office.
Talking solutions: fostering support systems in the workplace
While office and parental leave policies are great ways to set the minimum cultural expectations, we need to focus on shifting the company cultural mindset so that team members’ behaviors reflect those expectations and support caregivers. When I met with our discussion group, we discussed ideas on how to foster support systems for mothers in the workplace:
Championing reliability and trust among team members. On our teams, we need to create opportunities for open discussion and feedback, especially to mitigate the “caregiver vs. single employee” tension. We should also empower people to take ownership of assignments and encourage follow-through. Doing so creates a strong, supportive atmosphere and gives room for all team members, whether caregivers or not, to accommodate personal responsibilities without judgement.
Normalizing caregiving for men. Today, more men are taking on more caregiving responsibilities. Per a recent report on caregiving from the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis, 1.5 percent of prime age (25-54) males are primary caregivers and growing. This trend offers an opportunity to ensure the guilt and shame that women experience should not be transferred to men when they take on caregiving duties. We need to rebalance expectations of gender roles for caregiving and that begins by normalizing conversations about men as caregivers in the workplace and in society at large.
Leveraging company network and/or team members as local “family”. Many employees are fortunate to live close to family members who help with childcare. However, there are team members who are raising children without the nearby family network. While resources like online babysitting services can help, it does not replace the “family” dynamic that is preferred when babysitting children. In our office, there is a mom’s group that meets regularly to discuss motherhood challenges (various child stages) and attend events together outside of work. They are also working together to develop a babysitting network.
Ultimately, what we need are honest conversations to create flexible policies and then change our behaviors to support those policies and our caregiver team members, whether they are moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents or friends. We must also recognize these policies and workarounds will evolve as caregivers adapt to different life stages and needs.
My responsibility as an office leader is to help normalize these behaviors and expectations and make myself approachable so employees know they can always talk to me about any accommodations. We are all trying to raise our kids and survive. If survival that day means my eleven-year-old is on her tablet in my office eating candy while I am taking meetings and calls, then so be it. On the flip side, it also shows my daughter a workplace that supports her mom’s career and sets the minimum standard she should seek when choosing a place to build her own.
Kirsten Cessna is a busy mother of two and a co-managing director of Gensler Austin. Her expertise encompasses various project types and scales, including aviation, retail, and workplace clients. She can be contacted at Kirsten_Cessna@gensler.com.